Updaaaate.

SOOOOO MUCH.

Man, it's crazy how these years of our lives are so grounded in trying to find our place, what we need to be doing, what God wants us to do, and trying to weigh the difference.  Every week I feel like there's a new factor added or some new element to be sorted through.  

It's been non-stop for me the past two weeks, and I haven't sat down to write. :( I'm sorry...

A week a go was WGI world finals, of course... in Dayton, OH.  What a rollercoaster of events, let me tell you.... I have NEVER been apart of a tighter ensemble. I deeply love EVERY single person in that ensemble, and for the first time I KNOW that they feel the same way.  Forty of the closest friends I've ever had.  

I've done 6 indoor percussion seasons, 5 marching band seasons, and 2 drum corps seasons... all of which I look back (for the most part) fondly, and remember the good parts... but this season surpasses any of the latter 13 seasons.... by a longshot.  

Normally when it comes to finals week or the end of a season, I'm SO ready to be done... and then a month or so later I'll look back and start missing it and longing for it to be back.  This time however, as the weeks closed in, the days became hours... I was NOT ready for it to be over.  I've never cried so hard after a performance in my life.  

It just topped it off that we got second... when we should have won.  Five of the six judges placed us first... and the last one placed us fourth and we last by .3 of a point.  It was a stab in the heart.... we deserved it. I can honestly say this group of people deserved it more than any other group in the nation and one judge ruined that.  The group that won placed 3rd in the caption on how well you play but WON music effect.  Apparently if you don't play well... it's really effective.... Boo. 

Anyway... I've never suffered so much from separation anxiety.  Within hours of leaving the airport and not seeing anyone... I broke down and I was severly depressed for the next three days.  The day after we returned, everyone was so depressed that we cancelled our activities and drove to meet each other. This never happens.... but that's what this ensemble is like.  Closer than any band family I've ever been a part of.  

This brings me to RCC in the future.... I was set on making this my one and only year doing this... getting a gold, peacing out, and moving on with my life. I simply can't imagine doing that now. I made marimba my first year out (which never happens) and I almost feel like it'd be a slap in the face if I didn't return....

Also, I will probably be section leader... and could be for my next 3 years. To say the least, RCC is extremely liberal and anti-religious. I see this as an INCREDIBLE opportunity to minister... to lead by example... and a lot can happen in three years... SO much can happen... My heart is so heavy about all of this, I can only assume it's the Holy Spirit impressing this upon me.  

If I walk away... I feel like I'm giving up on a lot of people searching of hope... searching for love.

I'm talking to a boy named Marshall who is in RCC... and I'm struggling. He's incredibly respectful, caring, hilarious, and intelligent... but he's a stoner... and he's doing a lot of evaluating when it comes to religion.  He's such a good person and we've been having some wonderful deep discussions about life, God, family... and I can tell he wants so much more...

I spent the night with him the past two nights... i'm a good girl... but let me tell you, it's so nice cuddling with someone and waking up next to someone. 

I have a lot of evaluating to do... I don't want to peace out on Marshall... even if there are rough edges right now... I care about him too much....