Maturation.

It's been a long time.

I feel like I could vomit right now. I'm really uneasy.

These past couple weeks have shown me my growth in the past year.

Normally I get really upset if I find out someone has a problem with me or is saying crap about me. However, about a week a go, Olivia Smoot tried to start up drama again with me over dating Skylar TWO YEARS A GO. She said a lot of cruel things (as usual), but this time, I found myself only slightly perturbed and then I found the whole situation kind of humorous because of how pathetic it was. Some people just never change, OR move on when the rest of the world does. I've come to realize that there will never be peace in that relationship and that I've done everything I can to try and make things better. Some people just don't want to solve problems and enjoy stringing out the drama. Instead of sticking up for myself, I'm just keeping silent because she wants me to be upset and she wants me to lash back. I'm not. I won't. She needs to move on.

Another example: Yesterday Lisa Lanning tagged me in one of those collages on facebook labeling people different things and she tagged me as "the herpes whore." The only negative one on there. I thought maybe it was a joke so I wrote, "haha... thaaaanks" and she replied: "Lydia... can't really say I was kidding."

At first I was kind of annoyed because I like to think of myself as quite the opposite, but then I realized, there's nothing I can do to change her view of me and I know that it's false, so I'm not going to worry about it.

I don't know if it's considered maturing or becoming increasingly apathetic, but whatever it is... it is helping me not be so sensitive. I HATE being sensitive... though most of the time I am.. and I've learned to come to terms with this as well.

To say I've been stressed over the past few weeks would be an understatement. I have done nothing other than eat, class, homework, RCC, and get a couple hours a sleep to start it all over again.
Right now I should be reading.

I feel uneasy. Incredibly uneasy, like something bad is about to happen. I don't know why.

It actually started because I have a little crush on someone in my English class and partially because he reminded me of someone.... I didn't realize until about 20 min a go that he reminded me of John. I feel like I'm going to vomit.

I need prayer. Lots of it.